i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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