i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
