better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
