ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
