you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
