I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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