We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
