ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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