I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
