why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
