When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
