Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
