She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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