Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize