Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
