margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
