She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I'm passing your future prison.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
