Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
a search helicopter?!
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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