I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
