I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
