i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
