"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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