So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
