Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
