Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
