VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
