I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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