"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
