i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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