'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
