we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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