It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
