my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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