when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
