They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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