can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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