I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
