K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
