I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
