I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
