I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
