Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
its liver damage thursday
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
