K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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