Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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