If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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