I just made out with a guy for $7.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
