Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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