Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
