Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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