Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
