Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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