We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
