found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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