i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
