I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
