Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
