he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
