How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Michael Bay diarrhea
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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