tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
