How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
