I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
