That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
