you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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