Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
