my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
