got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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