Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
and you fell through a lawn chair
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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