I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize