Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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