what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
