WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
