He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
did i walk over a car last night?
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
