i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
