dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
