SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Randomize
