seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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