Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
