okay pat passed out under dana's car
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
