Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
