I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
