I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
