and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
