he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
