What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
