idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
