my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize